ode to marie callender

dear marie callender,

you look like a nice lady and all so i'm sure you won't be pleased when i tell you of a family experience that we had at one of your restaurant's just last night.
the family was hungry and you looked like a good option. i mean, who could resist a warm slice of pumpkin pie? the host led us to the table and we proceeded to crack jokes and order our meal at the same time. i ordered chicken fingers, dad ordered the frisco burger, and mom ordered some nasty disgrace of a chicken pot pie.
the food comes out quick and as dad is about to take a bite of the burger i yell, "DAD! The burger is raw!" dad takes a look, RAW, feels the meat...COLD. looks under the bun soaked in blood, RAW MEAT. the waitress comes around acting all concerned and decides to bring dad another burger.
she brings out the burger and in a fake tone says, "enjoy your meal." dad looks at the burger....they used the exact same blood-soaked bun with raw meat still attached. oh no they didn't. dad uses his famous line, "give me your manager."
thanks for the free dessert and manager discount marie, but....couldn't you have taken care of our entire bill?
i'm sorry to inform you that we will never eat there again. we just can't risk it. i don't want to know what they would to our food if they recognized us again. rest assured, i will order your pumpkin pie though. delish.


geoffrey said...


My name is E-Coli and I just want to let you know how rude your comments are regarding the raw burger your dad almost ate. You know, I think I get a "raw" deal from most people....I'm just trying to live and grow in contaminated meat. I mean, GIVE ME A BREAK!!. The fact that your dad would have been sick after eating the burger is besides the point!!! I mean, look at the picture!@! Marie Callendar is a sweet old lady! Why would you try to hurt her? I'll be looking for you in the next Salad Bar. Better hit the bathroom after that!!!!

Roger said...

haven't you heard of the e-coli weight-loss program? many people have reported extraordinary results.
the only reported side-effect is death.
the e-coli diet ranks second in effectiveness next to the chemo diet.

Roger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Grant and Alyssa said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACH!!! I called you and left a message, but I'm not sure if you still have the same number...So I'm not sure if you got it. Anyway, I hope you had a WONDERFUL day!

Love you,

P.S.- I can't get over that disgusting raw meat story!